Toddler Weight: The Dangers Of Being Alone In A Car

The other day, I had the opportunity to get out of the house.  Without the kids.  Where I was going was a 3-hour car ride away, in the middle of winter, but I didn't mind.  I was actually looking forward to it.  3 hours in a car on an icy highway?  No thanks.  3 hours alone in a car on an icy highway?  Sign me up! 

As we discussed already, toddlers make you gain weight.  But did you know that they also make you gain weight, even if they're not there?  Let me explain.

I love chips.  More specifically, I love Doritos.  I believe the large bag of Doritos is a single serving.  The smaller bags are there if you want to have a few different flavours of Doritos, or if you like to have your Doritos with a chocolate bar.  I don't eat Doritos that often because if I do, then the girls will ask for some.  I don't like to share my Doritos.  If I'm going to have a treat, I don't want to share.  If I have to share, it is no longer a treat.

I also love donuts.  I rarely get donuts however because, currently, the girls think Tim Bits are donuts, and therefore are satisfied with just one Tim Bit because even they know it is socially unacceptable to eat more that one donut at a time.  If I introduce them to real donuts there is no chance I'll ever get them to eat anything else.

When I found out that I was going to be in a car, alone, for 3 hours, I decided to take full advantage.  I stopped at the gas station before I left town to fill up the tank, and pick up a bag of Doritos.  Then I went to Tim Horton's and got a chocolate glazed donut.  Then I went to Starbucks and got a venti soy dirty chai latte.  Why venti?  Because I knew I'd be able to drink the whole thing while it was still hot.  A luxury you lose when you have kids.  Then I put in my new Lady Gaga CD and turned the volume up way too loud, drove and ate and drank, had a little dance party in my car, drove and drank and ate some more.  It was magical.  I felt like a kid on spring break. 

When I got to where I was going, I was covered in Doritos crumbs, I had a bit of donut glaze on my cheek, and I had to go to the bathroom so badly I really didn't think I was going to make it.  I almost didn't.  I felt fat and gross and I slipped into one heck of  food coma that rendered me more than useless for the rest of the day.  My teeth hurt, my mouth was full of cankers, and my belly was so bloated that for a brief moment I actually thought it might rip open. 

I felt awful and was now even farther away from getting rid of this darn toddler weight.  But, it's not my fault.  The kids made me do it. 

A Funny Things Happened At The Walk-In Clinic

Little Bear woke up the other day with an ear infection.  I mean, I'm no doctor, but she was definitely sick, and she was definitely having ear troubles.  So off to the walk-in clinic we went.

Once at the clinic, I handed her OHIP card to the lady at the front desk, she swiped her card, and told me, "Little Bear has no OHIP coverage.  It has been cancelled."

I know what you're thinking.  What?  Cancelled?  Can that really happen?  I know because I was thinking the same thing.  "What?  Cancelled?  Can that really happen?"  I said to the lady.  "Yes.  It can.  You'll have to call the OHIP office on Monday.  In the meantime, if you would still like to see the doctor, that will be $75."  So I handed her my MasterCard, which felt entirely un-Canadian.  Paying for a doctor's visit?  What's next, declaring a nation-wide ban on Tim Bits?  Will people stop saying sorry for things they need not be sorry about, but can't help it because they're all just so darn polite?  That's a Canada I just don't want to live in.

Anyway, we saw the doctor and yes, Little Bear had an ear infection.  We picked up her amoxicillin and headed home to wait in wonderment until Monday arrived and we could call the OHIP office and put an end to this OHIP mystery.

First thing Monday morning my husband called the OHIP office.  This is what they told him.  Get ready, it's a good one...

"Oh, yes, well, we sent Little Bear a survey in the mail and it was returned, marked undeliverable.  We here at the OHIP office figured that meant your 5-year-old moved and didn't bother to call us with her new address.  So, we cancelled her OHIP coverage knowing that the next time she was at a walk-in clinic or a hospital emergency room, and tried to use her OHIP card, she would realize the coverage was cancelled.  Then, on Monday, when she called us to find out why, we could update her new address."  OK.  I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that was the gist of what was said.  They cancelled her OHIP to force her to call and update her address.  But the funny thing is, we didn't move, and no, she didn't either.  Because she's 5.  She's 5 and, call her crazy, still lives at home.  And even if at the ripe old age of 5 she did decide to move out and rent a condo downtown, she wouldn't know how to call the OHIP office to update her address.  She only recently figured out how to zip up her coat.       

I don't actually know why the address is so important.  So what if she moved downtown, the important thing is that she lives in Ontario, right?  That's what the O in OHIP stands for.  I could see if she wanted to go to an out-of-province kindergarten, and packed up her things and moved to Alberta.  But then, flying to Ontario with an ear infection would seem like a long way to go for amoxicillin, don't you think?  I guess maybe she could have flown home for a visit, and caught the ear infection from someone on the plane (can you catch an ear infection?) and when she got here she decided to use her OHIP card to visit the walk-in clinic for free, which she really shouldn't have done, since she now lives in Alberta.  In that case, maybe it does make sense that OHIP cancelled her coverage.  Hmm.  I guess I owe you an apology, OHIP office.  I'm sorry for getting so angry.  Let's get a 10-pack of Tim Bits and call a truce.