Erica Ehm's Yummy Mummy Club shared it on their Facebook page. This was beyond exciting for me. I really like their page and their posts, so it was super cool for me to be one of the posts on their page. Because of their sharing, more people read my post than attended my high school. And I didn't go to a small high school. But as I learned, if a lot of people read your blog post, the chances are greater that some aren't going to like it. And some people sure didn't like it. So I decided to write a rebuttal. That's such a funny word, rebuttal. Don't you think? Anyway...
Here are a couple of the comments I will be rebutting. Ok, that word is even funnier.
I apologize if my tone was negative. I didn't mean for it to come across as negative. The tone I was going for was fed up and frustrated. Also, I re-read my blog post, and I'm not sure how I'm contributing to the working mom vs stay at home mom battle. In my blog post, I wasn't speaking to working moms, I was speaking to those people who have made those comments to me. Men, women, children, purple dinosaurs, if you asked me one of those questions, or made one of those comments, then it was to you that I was directing my responses. It's not a working mom vs stay at home mom thing. It's a respect others' decisions and stop being so judgemental thing.
Again, I have to apologize. If I had known you were so tired of reading articles about stay at home moms, I wouldn't have tricked you into reading my blog post by giving it such a cryptic title. And guess what, I don't work full time but I have enough empathy and understanding to know that of course you work all day and do mommy things all night. I re-read my blog post a second time and can't find where in the article I suggested that you don't. If you're finding article upon article from SAHMs trying to prove how busy they are, maybe it's because we face a lot of judgement towards our decision to stay home. Maybe you don't find articles from working moms reeling about how busy they are because nobody is questioning how busy they are. Everybody knows.
If any of the commenters had read my very first blog post, then they would know where I stand on the working mom vs stay at home mom debate. But since they obviously didn't read it, let me explain. I think it's ridiculous. We're all moms, we all face the same struggles, same challenges, same fears, same worries, same victories. Some work in the home, some work out of the home, some have nannies, some are single moms. Our situations are all different, but none are better or worse. At the heart of it, we're all just moms.
I have also never ever made claims that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world. I can think of lots of jobs that are harder. Brain surgeon, for example. The person who cleans out port-a-potties. Kindergarten teachers. All harder jobs. And you know what? It was never a goal of mine to have a the hardest job in the world. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer. Some kids want to be a police man. Some want to be an astronaut. Find me a kid who wants to grow up to have the hardest job in the world. As I got older, my aspirations changed from wanting to be a lawyer to wanting a job that I loved and having the respect of my peers. I now have a job that I love. I'm just working on the respect of my peers part.
I think the working mom vs stay at home mom debate is as silly as The Bachelor. 25 women fighting over one guy, and for what? If they'd stop fighting long enough, they'd realize they are on the same side and they could band together, kick the bachelor out, and have the mansion all to themselves. Then they could order pizza and watch chick flicks in their pajamas. With no make up on. And their hair tied up in a scrunchie. Sounds pretty good to me.
I agree - there's no versus when ir comes to motherhood. I've been both a SAHM and a working mom and neither is a cakewalk. We need to give each other hugs and the occasional cupcake to get through this gig.
ReplyDeleteJennifer, you're speaking my language! A cupcake is exactly what we need to put this whole debate to rest!
DeleteI think the key word is respect. We should all have respect for what each other chooses to do or must do, to ensure the family is stable and happy. My kids are grown but it was a necessity that both me and my husband work. I found qualified, trusted child care and ensured my evenings and weekends were filled with giving my children the attention and love (no brainer), household chores and the occasional date night. I encountered only once where a SAHM (and in this particular case I use the phrase lightly), commented how bad a parent I was because I went to work and left my children with strangers (strangers that had my daughter as a flower girl and the other is still in our lives today 23 years later). You can imagine the hurt and guilt that comment had on me. It took a long time to get past it (and the fact that I am venting here shows I may not be past it) but I did eventually realize the source it was coming from. Someone who proved to be lazy and although a SAHM, provided her children with only the bare minimum required. Today I encourage my children to do what is right for them and their family. If you need to work, work, if you don't, don't but whatever you must do or choose to do...the kids are precious and time flies. Enjoy every minute!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comments, Joanne. The judgement definitely goes both ways. I've never understood the argument that working moms leave their kids with strangers. Guess I should pull my kids out of school, since to me, their teachers are strangers. My mom was a working mom (still is) and when I look back at my childhood, what I remember most are those days she'd sneak out of work early and pick me up from school or take me to ballet lessons on the weekends. It is not my babysitters that comprise all of my memories. I bet your kids don't have any complaints about their childhoods, and really, their opinions are the only ones that counts.
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