Toddler Weight: The Dangers Of Being Alone In A Car

The other day, I had the opportunity to get out of the house.  Without the kids.  Where I was going was a 3-hour car ride away, in the middle of winter, but I didn't mind.  I was actually looking forward to it.  3 hours in a car on an icy highway?  No thanks.  3 hours alone in a car on an icy highway?  Sign me up! 

As we discussed already, toddlers make you gain weight.  But did you know that they also make you gain weight, even if they're not there?  Let me explain.

I love chips.  More specifically, I love Doritos.  I believe the large bag of Doritos is a single serving.  The smaller bags are there if you want to have a few different flavours of Doritos, or if you like to have your Doritos with a chocolate bar.  I don't eat Doritos that often because if I do, then the girls will ask for some.  I don't like to share my Doritos.  If I'm going to have a treat, I don't want to share.  If I have to share, it is no longer a treat.

I also love donuts.  I rarely get donuts however because, currently, the girls think Tim Bits are donuts, and therefore are satisfied with just one Tim Bit because even they know it is socially unacceptable to eat more that one donut at a time.  If I introduce them to real donuts there is no chance I'll ever get them to eat anything else.

When I found out that I was going to be in a car, alone, for 3 hours, I decided to take full advantage.  I stopped at the gas station before I left town to fill up the tank, and pick up a bag of Doritos.  Then I went to Tim Horton's and got a chocolate glazed donut.  Then I went to Starbucks and got a venti soy dirty chai latte.  Why venti?  Because I knew I'd be able to drink the whole thing while it was still hot.  A luxury you lose when you have kids.  Then I put in my new Lady Gaga CD and turned the volume up way too loud, drove and ate and drank, had a little dance party in my car, drove and drank and ate some more.  It was magical.  I felt like a kid on spring break. 

When I got to where I was going, I was covered in Doritos crumbs, I had a bit of donut glaze on my cheek, and I had to go to the bathroom so badly I really didn't think I was going to make it.  I almost didn't.  I felt fat and gross and I slipped into one heck of  food coma that rendered me more than useless for the rest of the day.  My teeth hurt, my mouth was full of cankers, and my belly was so bloated that for a brief moment I actually thought it might rip open. 

I felt awful and was now even farther away from getting rid of this darn toddler weight.  But, it's not my fault.  The kids made me do it.