1) What do you do all day? This question is never asked with genuine interest. The asker is never waiting with bated breath for tales of laundry and grocery shopping and tips for getting crushed Cheerios out of the carpet. No, this question is always based in a preconceived idea of our days being filled with daytime talk shows and manicures.
2) It must be nice to stay at home all day. First of all, I don't stay at home all day. I do have a playroom in my basement, but I don't have a grocery store or a dry cleaners, and my kids skating and ballet lessons are not held in my kitchen. Secondly, asking such a condescending question isn't going to make you any new friends.
3) If I stayed home all day, I'd be so bored. Then you're a boring person. Get a hobby. Clean out a closet. Spend some time with your kids.
4) I have to work all day, so I don't have time to get my nails done. Yes you do. We all make time for the things that are important to us. I get my nails done every once in a while because I'm a girl and that's what I like to do. You don't stop being a girl when you become a stay at home mom. You do become a girl who wears scrunchies and track pants to the grocery store, but you're a girl who wears scrunchies and track pants to the grocery store with a killer shellac manicure.
5) It's late, I better go. I have to work in the morning. That's too bad. I get to sleep in while my kids get their own breakfast, pack their own lunches, and walk themselves to school. Then my imaginary friends get to work cleaning my house.
6) It's so nice that your husband provides such a good life for you. I know, and I really don't deserve it, what with all the TV I watch while doing absolutely nothing else.
7) I need to work, to feel like I'm contributing and being productive. Yes, you're right. I wander around, unproductively, all day, just wishing I could contribute somehow.
8) Do you feel guilty shopping for yourself since you didn't earn the money? Maybe I should. Maybe I should also return the $40 purse I bought from Target, since I can't afford it with the zero dollars I make each week. Guess that also means when we go out for dinner, I should just stick with the free bread and water, since it fits nicely into my budget. I should also thank my husband for letting me live in the house he bought. Maybe I should start doing some chores around here, you know, earn my keep. Maybe I'll even be able to save up enough to buy back that Target purse. If it goes on sale...
I got a lot of Facebook comments regarding this post, suggesting that I was contributing to the working mom vs stay at home mom debate. This was never my intention. But, since they brought it up, I decided to write a blog post on the topic, called Working Moms vs Stay At Home Moms. I'd love for you to give it a read and tell me what you think.
I am a stay at home mom who has also heard a lot of these questions/comments. The one that gets me the most though, you didn't list above. "It must be nice" or "You're lucky." I agree, I am lucky and it is nice....but my husband works a relatively average job, and we don't live in the lap of luxury. We work hard and make lots of sacrifices to make it work for us, because it is important to BOTH OF US for me to be home with the kids. Some people think that it is easy to make ends meet for families with a stay-at-home parent.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! I think there is a whole heap of judgement placed on us, but really, no one knows what our lives are really like. Thanks for your comment :)
DeleteThis one is my pet peeve too Jane! I used to get into "discussions" about how it has nothing to do with luck. Preparation, planning, hard work and sacrifice but not luck. If you really want to stay home you make it work. Now I just smile, nod and say "Yes I am."
DeleteSO true!
ReplyDeleteI'm currently a SAHM but I've also been a mom who works outside the home. Thank GOD I did because at least I can always compare the two because of the experience. I'm a CA by profession but quit after having multiple miscarriages due to the stress of my job and lack of being there for my son.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, YES I do get bored, at lot. But I also got bored at lot when I worked. And no, I don't feel guilty about buying stuff for myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't buy a lot but when I need something, I'll buy it. Plus, I handle ALL the family finances, I do ALL the homework with the kids, ALL the housework, about 90% of the cooking and 99.9% of the childcare even during non-work hours. I'm glad that my husband earns a decent amount that we can afford to do this, but we both know if I was working (and when I was working, I earned more than him, for the record) we'd be stressed out to the max. Luckily for me, my hubby was a stay-at-home dad/student for 2 years and I was the working parent so he totally understands that its freakin' hard and is grateful that I'm willing to take a backseat to working out of the home and do it. So other than his opinion, I don't really care. But I couldn't be friends with anyone who said that kind of shit to me. Well said.
Thanks so much for your comments!
DeleteAre you ever tempted to say back to them, "It must be nice to have 2 incomes"? Not brilliant, but seems relevant.
ReplyDeleteThat's too funny :)
DeleteI think I'll say that next time!
Deletelove it :D
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the blog. You should try listening to the comments you get as a stay at home Dad. Much less polite that those you mentioned. Even stay at home Moms give stay at home Dads a tough time. I guess it isn't very manly to scrub the toilet or make bread.
ReplyDeleteI think it's super manly to scrub toilets and make bread! Are you kidding? Way better than drinking beer and sitting on the couch. And you're right, I have a friend who is a stay at home dad, and he does get it worse than I do. But don't worry, this stay at home mom's got your back :)
DeleteHaving lived both worlds ( was a SAHM for almost 5 years) now back full time in the work force for the last 5 ..I have to agree that staying at home was tough. You have pretty much zero time for yourself, you are pretty much never home, so much running around, never enough time to clean , pick up after everyone, planning meals-I was so bad at it I had to go back to work outside :). Thanks for the reminder to be sensitive to our sisters who choose what works best for them and their families. And remember to enjoy the time with your kids and no guilt for squeezing some time for yourself. You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comments, Karen! I think you nailed it. It doesn't matter who has the harder job...I mean really, is a hard job the goal? What matters is that we respect each other and be a bit nicer to each other :)
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