Dear Starbucks: I Have A Bagel-Sized Bone To Pick With You

Dear Starbucks.  As you know from the last letter I wrote you, I love you.  However, I do have a bagel-sized bone to pick.


This past Sunday, my husband ran his first half marathon.  I, being of sound mind, decided to forgo the months of training and drive to the finish line, to cheer him on.  So bright and early Sunday morning, I loaded the girls in the car and, since this mom requires a chai latte for any drive longer than 11 minutes, we headed to your drive-thru.  Once there, I ordered, amongst other things, an everything bagel with butter.  I asked that the bagel be buttered, instead of a few butter packets being thrown into the bagel bag.  That's when my friendly Starbucks barista informed me that she wasn't allowed to butter my bagel.  What the what?


I drove up to the window, and as she handed me the bagel, my friendly Starbucks barista apologized and said it was company policy that they don't butter bagels.  What was this non-bagel-buttering nonsense?  I pulled into a parking spot, crawled into the back of the van, and as I knelt down to butter the bagel, I began to think.  Does Mr. Starbucks know how dangerous it is to butter a bagel while driving?  I'm pretty sure buttering a bagel while driving is right up there with texting while driving, on the list of things not to do while driving.  And, does Mr. Starbucks understand the concept of the drive-thru window?  By it's very design, you need to be in a car to use the drive-thru window, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise that I was driving at the time of ordering the buttered bagel.  Also, drive-thru windows are supposed to save time.  They are supposed to be efficient.  But, kneeling down in the back of a van in a Starbucks parking lot is neither a time saver nor efficient.  And, to add insult to injury (and I do mean injury...I knelt down on a piece of Lego), the butter in the packet was so cold and so hard that, despite our best efforts, Pink Baby and I couldn't get the butter to spread across the bagel.


And so, dear Starbucks, I suggest you call an emergency meeting and change this non-bagel-buttering policy immediately.  It's ridiculous, and not indicative of the Starbucks I have come to know and love.  Thank you.


Oh, and because I know you're wondering, and because I know he'd love for me to tell you, my husband completed his first half marathon in 1 hour and 50 minutes.  Show off.