Only Children, Unite!

I’m an only child, and I have two kids.  When people find this out, they inevitably say, “Oh, you have two kids because you are an only child, right?” to which I always say, "No.  I had two kids because I wanted two kids, not because I thought Little Bear needed a sibling."

The idea that I, or anyone else, needs a sibling, is a pretty vague one.  What kind of sibling?  A same-sex sibling, or one of the opposite sex?  Should the sibling be two years older, or five years younger?  If one sibling is so great, are two even better?  What about four?  Or seven?  Everyone is so quick to tell me and other only children that we need a sibling, but they never suggest which sibling relationship is best.  Or maybe they're all the best.  Maybe any sibling is better than being a poor, only child.  Well, this only child begs to differ.  Sure, I may have missed out on something by not having a sibling, but I would suggest that everyone else missed out on something by not being an only child.

Ok, so there is one major downside to being an only child.  The stereotypes that go along with it.  So I'm going to put to rest, once and for all, the misconceptions that everyone seems to have about us.

We're lonely.  I am not now, nor have I ever been, lonely.  I had two parents, five cousins, and a neighbourhood full of friends.  If I wanted to play Barbies and needed someone to be Ken, I would go next door and call on my friend Christina.  It's worth noting that she too is an only child, and also turned out all right.  But, if I wanted to sit on the couch by myself with a bowl of Cheerios and watch Full House, I could.  If I wanted to sit quietly and read or colour, without anyone bothering me, I could do that too.

We're spoiled.  I find this one particularly insulting, for a couple reasons.  Spoiled is a mean word.  Spoiled means gone bad, rotten, of no use.  Like spoiled milk.  No one likes spoiled milk.  I'm not spoiled.  I'm perfectly useful, and well within my expiration date.  It also suggests that my parents did something wrong, that they spoiled me and now I'm a brat that the rest of the world has to deal with.  My parents are the best.  Don't mess with my parents.  There are definitely a lot of entitled kids roaming around, who have had the world handed to them on a silver platter, but that is a parenting style, not a direct result of being an only child. 

We don't know how to share.   This one is just ridiculous.  I'd argue that we are more likely to share than those with siblings, who had to fight over the last chicken nugget or whose turn it was to pick the movie.  Siblings aren't known for sharing.  I'm a mother of two siblings.  Sharing is not one of their best qualities.  But, my girls share with their friends, just like I shared with my friends.  That's how I made friends.  I'd invite them over to play, and win them over by letting them use my Barbie car. 

We're bossy.  No, we're not.  Some of us are, sure, but it has nothing to do with being an only child.  Crazy Plates is the most bossy person I know.  She's not an only child.  Only children are thought to be bossy because the perception is that we are used to always getting our way, and therefore think we should always get our way.  Not true.  If I always got my way with my parents, I would have had a TV in my bedroom, and I would have been allowed to watch Arsenio Hall on school nights.  No.  Bossy didn't fly with my parents.

We don't understand the value of a dollar.  This idea is similar to the idea that we're spoiled.  It is thought that only children get everything they want, since there is only one child to provide for, and are therefore entitled kids who never have to work for anything.  I had my first babysitting job at 12 years old, and saved up to buy mirrored closet doors for my bedroom.  My parents always made it known that they would provide for me the necessities, but for the fun stuff, I was on my own.  Knowing the value of a dollar isn't something you're born with, like freckles or brown hair.  It's something that is taught.  Usually by your parents.     

I think the only things a kid really needs are a loving family and a happy childhood.  I had both.  I had parents who loved me, taught me right from wrong, and watched my ballet recitals.  I had friends to go to the park with, who came over for dinner, and who I told all my secrets to.  Would a sibling have made things better?  Maybe.  But I have no complaints about my siblingless childhood, and if I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't change a thing.  Ok, so there were a few wardrobe flops and a bad boyfriend choice in high school that I would change, but other than that, I'd keep it all the same.