Little Bear is in senior kindergarten and Crazy Plates is in junior kindergarten. Over the past few weeks, at drop off, I see the other parents cornering the teachers at the kindergarten gate to talk to them. And as I watch the teachers, I see that familiar look. Glazed over eyes, fake smile, reassuring head nod. It's the look I remember from my days as a server. So I got to thinking...what would these teachers say to these parents if they could? No holds barred, they could speak their minds. What would they say? I know to me, they'd say nothing, because my kids are perfect and it is completely reasonable for me to request that Crazy Plate's teacher sit beside her at lunch time to make sure she eats all her lunch, but to the other parents...what would they say?
So I consulted the experts. For their protection, they shall remain anonymous. Here's what they said.
Expert A: A Kindergarten Teacher
"I have had so many parents tell me that their child can count to 100. That's wonderful, but why the heck did they teach them that? It's not in the curriculum, and I'm not changing my lesson plan to include numbers 101 - 200." Thankfully, this one doesn't apply to me. For longer than she should have, Little Bear thought eleventeen was a number.
"I have had one too many requests to wipe bums....umm, no." I have to agree with this one. I'm sort of at my limit with poopy bums myself.
Expert B: A Kindergarten Teacher
"No, we can't sit beside your child to make sure she eats all her lunch. We can't possibly sit beside 24 kids at the same time." Oh, oops.
"Return the mail / communication folder everyday. It is there for a reason. To communicate. We can't communicate if you don't return it." I always return the girls' communication folder. Except when I forget. Then I make sure to return it the next day. Usually.
"Don't write me a note about Billy losing his hat, a mitten, or a scarf. If you don't label your kid's clothing, you're likely not going to get it back." This is true. Crazy Plates is always bringing home other kids' Tupperware containers. And, well, that's why our Tupperware container collection is so big.
Expert C: Elementary Teacher
"Don't send school supplies unless they have been asked for. Grade two students don't need binders! It actually makes things a lot more difficult if there are 24 sets of markers." Can we talk about markers for a second? I hate markers. They're messy and they dry out. Someone really needs to create mitten clips for marker lids. Anyway. Back to the teachers...
"Watch what you say in front of your kids. I had a student tell me that his Dad thinks I'm pretty, but I wear my socks too high." This one is so funny, but also a very good lesson. Good thing my girls don't listen to me. Who knows which of my rants they would chose to repeat on the playground.
Expert D: Elementary Teacher
"Students earn their own marks. Teachers do not give marks pulled out of you-know-where!" I don't know about this one. I was definitely given bad grades on essays when I clearly should have been given a Pulitzer prize. Or at least a gold star. Ok, the morning it's due isn't the best time to start writing an essay, but at least an A for effort, no?
"Believe it or not, we love what we do, and we really do want the very best for your child. We want to be their champion and second biggest supporter, next to their support system at home. So please, cut us some slack."
The parent / teacher relationship is a complicated one. But, I think what we learned here today is, if we all have a little patience, understanding, and perspective, we can work together to get our crazy kids to finally stop picking their noses, put their shoes on the right feet, and be productive members of society. Or at least pick up their toys. Can somebody please teach my kids to pick up their toys?
On a side note, if you're guilty of any of the above, you may want to check out my post about teacher gifts. It may help to smooth things over.
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